Dodgeball, swearing, teaching and lots of coconuts!

I have been here for over 3 weeks now and it’s starting to feel like home to me. As strange as that is. I used to be so grossed out when grown women would make snot rockets (when they blow their nose forcefully, without a Kleenex, into the air) but now I’m only semi-grossed out. I play dodge ball with all the kids, young and old and you think they’d be afraid to hit their teacher, not my kids. I’m becoming more relaxed about walking around the island because I know where to go now. I know the good deals, what sketchy corners to avoid, and the locals recognize me, it’s a nice feeling. Re-reading my last few sentences about being relaxed and walking around, I can see some of my family friend adults and my parents getting a little nervous. So to calm any unsettled nerves, which are understandable, most of the time I walk with others or a dog, and I am not supposed to walk alone at night, so it’s all good!

On a different subject I swore at a little boy the other day. “What?! You swore at a little boy?” Apparently I did, haha.I know, I’m a horrible person. In my defense though, I was not aware it was a swear. I was helping him with math and he was getting distracted so I tried to get his attention by clicking with my tongue, and apparently that’s super bad, and is known as a swear word. He looked at me as if I had just hit him, and I asked him what? And he whines, “Missah…..” Also, when you call someone over to you, you have to call them with your palm facing down, or it’s very suggestive…I know, yuck... I have slipped up on that a few times in the beginning and gotten many confused and also interested looks..After I realized that it was starting to be a problem, I trained myself to flip my hand when I call, and now it seems so natural. I can’t imagine calling someone with my palm up. You Americans are weird…Speaking of Americans, I saw some American military people in a car! I was so surprised my jaw dropped! They honked at me while I was walking down the street as a friendly greeting, basically saying, “I can relate to your skin tone.” I didn’t look right away and then they did it again, so I looked. There, in the truck, were American military men! You never, well hardly ever see any Americans in Ebeye. The military base is called Kwadjalen. It is about a 35 minute boat ride away and that’s where all the Americans are. Not in Ebeye.  It was crazy!

Almost as Crazy as Carlos island! Last week the staff from Ebeye SDA school went camping on Carlos island…it is about 50 minutes away. It was so nice, so beautiful! I learned sweet survival skills. I can retrieve a coconut (from the ground or a low branch…haha) and pull out the nearest machete and I hack at it like a warrior. After I am able to cut it open, I drink the water. After the water is all gone, or I decide it’s too much and pour it on the ground, I then hack at the same spot until it breaks open. I cut a spoon out of the thick layer so I am able to scoop out the meat of the coconut. And I feast. I ate so many coconuts last weekend. I also climbed a huge, Japanese war ship from WWII and jumped off of it. It was so liberating! J On the way back I rode on the head of the ship, literally, whoever was driving didn’t care.  The principle and another teacher did it with me as well. I saw my first dolphins. Dolphins! They’re real :D Don’t see those too often in Chicago.

Another subject change! Dinggae mosquitoes. These mosquitoes if they bite you, you will get really sick. Many people in Majuro had to be sent home last semester from them. We have them all over here. Just floating around like no ones business. Thankfully none of us have gotten bit yet. We all however all have the flu right now. Making teaching a little more difficult when I sound like Pee Wee Herman.

Teaching has gotten a lot better! The kids acknowledge me as their full time teacher and respect me as that... I finally know all their names! Now I can stop mumbling when I’m trying to call one over. “Hey you, jrgbibgiug” *confused look from the child…It is hard though because they have such unique names! “Bed, Wi Wi, Shampound, Mo Mo, Jimeko, Breetcher” I decided to jump on the assigned seats train, and it seem to be working a little bit better. I don’t remember if when I was their age I was that disturbed about sitting next to the opposite gender that I would cry, but..I don’t know. I am also more comfortable with disciplining them when they need it. I have this thing where whenever they begin to get a little wily, I walk to the corner of the chalkboard and draw a big box. That big box will be filled with names…names of kids that will stay after class. So whenever I draw that box, they all quiet down…then immediately start up again. So I neglect the left side of the classroom because I always write down names. Almost half the class has to stay every day, it’s pretty ridiculous. You would think they would have sour feelings towards me after that, but before they leave the classroom, they all line up to me and we do our “secret second grade handshake”. It’s cool J. Oh, you know how teachers have that one look they do that immediately quiets everyone up, or makes them feel really guilty? Hahah. I finally got it down!! I’m so excited. Okay, story! Ready? Well, today I left my assistant (an older Marshallese woman that helps translate and quiet the kids if I need) in the classroom and I went out to make copies. I was only gone a few minutes and I come back in and everyone was going crazy. I walk up the aisle to the front of the room and give them “the look”. Worked like a charm! They all shooshed each other and apologized right away. Wearing the teacher pants! Waddup? Haha. Okay, I sound like an evil teacher, so let me tell you some uplifting moments. So like I mentioned in my last blog, I have many kids who can’t count on their fingers. Well, that number has reduced to about one that I know of! It’s the best feeling in the world. I was kneeling by one of my students desk helping him while the other kids were out for recess and he turns to me and says, “3 weeks ago, my mom says I don’t know how to count my fingers..now she is very happy that Ms. Em came and I can add numbers now.” Did you read that? He can add! He can add double numbers! 24+36! He can do that! He still has trouble reading and many other things, but it’s a step by step process..

 I have made up a lot of songs and sayings that the kids love to use. “First one flys, second one dives” adding tens. I’ve taught them Camp Au Sable songs. “Milk, I am a C, Everlasting love…” They just smile so big and it fills me with so much compassion when I look at them. They still have so much learning to do and I already know a few that I will need to hold back from 3^rd grade, if nothing changes. They have a very hard time learning, a very hard time. They have so much energy making it hard for them to concentrate, and the rest don’t care about listening. There are a few that really want to learn and they are, and there are some that want to learn but are struggling and it makes them very embarrassed. They are all at different levels.

There’s been a few  different struggles I’ve had since I’ve been here. I get so restless sometimes, especially at night. I want to go running in the morning or at night when I have free time, just by myself, before the sun comes up and it gets super hot…but can’t when I’m alone and it’s dark out, because there’s a bunch of men in every corner and alley way, apparently they are nocturnal and don’t need sleep…it’s weird…haha. A more serious/ personal struggle I’ve had are just self struggles. Being in this environment and dealing with the same people every day regularly, you see a lot of things about yourself, that you don’t like. Things you want to change, need to improve, how you’re perceived, how you should care less about some stuff and more about other things, things you need to grow in…etc. It’s a very humbling and vulnerable feeling…You no longer have any walls to hide behind, because everything and everyone is unfamiliar to you..This is character building. Though it is sometimes painful, I know it’s necessary.  Everyone needs this sometime in their life, to know who they really are and what they stand for, or if they stand for anything. There is not a limit on growth. And I believe God is not done showing me the work He has yet to do in my life.  But, my biggest struggle(lol) is not having Taco Bell!  Man, could I go for some good old T-bell and Chipotle sometime within the next few months. But, don’t try to send any, that wouldn’t turn out too good...ahh writing about it makes me want some even more…Or at least taco bell sauce…mmmm.. Next time I come to live in Ebeye, I will remember to open a Chipotle business here.

I do miss my family; my sisters, parents, friends, boyfriend. But I see my purpose here, and care so much about these kids and their future, so much about showing them the love of Jesus, that homesickness does not override nor will I allow it to hinder my motivation. “ And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” 2 Cor 12:9.

Cold salt water showers, bacteria, cockroach scares, and wall paintings.

      Please excuse me for a second while I try to catch the two mice that live in our kitchen.....nope, too fast, anyways..Teaching…it’s tough stuff man. I have a new type of respect for teachers. Although I am in a third world country, the feelings of unappreciation, frustration, and getting your feelings hurt are the same anywhere you go.  Last week I started drawing on my classroom walls. I drew a sun, flowers, a house in the distance, clouds and a rainbow. I was thinking man, these walls are really ugly, they are so covered with kids scribbles on it, I want to do something nice for them. I began my project. I got a lot of compliments from my first grade class that I assist, but when it came to my second graders, I had a girl tell me something that surprisingly hurt my feelings a little. “Ms. Em, you are crazy.” “(I laughed) Crazy? Why am I crazy?” “Because you draw on walls, so you’re retarded.” I said, “That’s not a nice word and I don’t want to hear you say it again, okay? I’m drawing on the walls for you guys, so they’re not just plain.” “Okay, but you’re retarded.” I know she just doesn’t understand the actual meaning of the word and that she was using it in the wrong context, but I still had to make an effort to go back to making the painting for them. God is showing me through different trials or experiences so many things here, and how much appreciation I forget to show to Him.  

Sometimes I’ll think about…Wow, I am here for 5 months…5 months..every single day. How am I going to get through this? My second grade kids, some of them can’t even count using their fingers. I cheerfully and patiently kneel down by their desk and do it with them. They thank me, and then go back to cheating, so I go back to taking their papers away for cheating. “But Missah…Uziel was cheating.” “Well it was your paper that you gave to him, I took his paper too.” “Arghhh (tongue rolling thing they do). Each day I go over the rules with them “1) Listen to the teacher 2) No climbing out the window 3) No choking or punching eachother..etc. Usually by the end of the day they’ve broken all of them at least 10 + times. I stay on my word though. I hold them after if they misbehave, I put them in the corner. They are very unfamiliar with being reprimanded that I’ve actually made quite a few cry. One boy showed up about 1 hr late, left class for half an hour playing on the computer, swore at another student, and jumped off the balcony. I held him after class for what, ten minutes? He bawled his eyes out…I knew he needed to learn, but it hurt me to watch. I tend to avoid conflictive situations, or drama and seeing that I had caused this, confliction and pain, it was a lot for me to take in. So much that after class I needed to go find a quiet spot where I could just talk with God. I walked near the ocean and tried to avoid all the dirty diapers and garbage around me, so I sat on a rock. Seriously, there is garbage all over the “beach”(tiny strip of land with trash and stuff that looks like sand underneath) and the water is filled with sewer drainage containing tons of poop.“God 5 months…every day of yelling, being tested, getting hurt? Lord, I trust in you, please just be here with me, help me to love them like you love me. I need your strength.” And I always hear..“I will give you the strength each day, Emily, whenever you ask for it, and I will never leave you.” Everytime I start thinking about the length of time I will be here, I always remember that God is here with me too and it warms my heart. I am not alone in this, not even for a second. I have a purpose here. I already love my kids. Some days are stressful but I still love them none the less. During recess, even though I just got done teaching them, they wait for me at the door to go play with them, even the boys…all 26 of them. Why would they want to be with me if they didn’t think I cared about them, or if they didn’t care about me? We’re building a relationship more each day. I want to help them grow. When I look at academically how much help they need, I think, man, if only I had enough time…Wait a second, waddup 5 months! Then I praise God for giving me this opportunity. God has already allowed me to place little seeds in their heads. A boy in my class can now count by two’s and one of my girls can now write on the lines. Just showing them how much you care, can go a long way.

 Oh, so you know my quiet place? Not so quiet, and not so my own. On Ebeye, there’s no privacy whatsoever. As soon as I took a breath and sat down, literally 20 kids came running at the blonde American sitting on a rock. Among those kids was the little boy I made cry in class, and he was the first happy face to reach me…guess he didn’t care that much.. They slowly crept over towards me and though I wanted to be alone, or so I thought, I remembered how much Jesus loved the little children, and how I needed to put them first and show them love and God would give me time later with Him alone. So I turned around and smiled at them, and  they rushed over to my rock, and squatted on it and just stared at me with their little tattered clothes, greasy hair and sores covering their body, they couldn’t have been any cuter. Well maybe the one without clothes could have worn clothes, and that may have been a little bit cuter. Due to his lack of clothes I tried to avoid any contact from him. The naked ones aren’t just little kids, they are pretty old. They tried to talk to me in Marshallese, and when I could not understand, they were not frustrated, they just smiled really big and snuggled up next to me and I embraced them. A reoccurring thought that I’ve had so far here is that I am so glad that a smile is the same in every language. Sounds corny, but it’s hard to fully understand until your living in a different country and interacting everyday with the people. The next few days I tried to find another quiet place, but the same scenario happened, just a bunch of different kids. They just run up to me like I’m their long lost mother and cling on to me for dear life, smiling and copying my every movement. I love that, and all of them. I usually belt out a giant Santa Claus laugh.. I love how they can keep themselves so occupied. They come up with just about every game imaginable that their resources can give them. They use wood and a tennis ball to play baseball, and run all over the coral and rocks, it scares me half to death to watch. But when they fall and bleed, they just keep playing. They love scoping out the garbage on the beach, and playing with the empty bottles, or syringes. In a strange way, it is beautiful. I look at the kids in America who whine when they don’t get a new iphone4, or ipad…and I look at these Marshallese children, so precious, their zest for adventure is inspiring.

                I interact with the kids a lot more than the adults here and I’m trying to change that so it’s more even, but this is the thing. It’s probably hard for them to comprehend why I am here, so I assume it’s hard for them to treat me quite like an equal.. I get a lot of cat calls, or awkward remarks, or stares from the men and boys, not because I’m “Oh, so beautiful”, I actually look terrible, and like a ball of yellow sticky hair.. I love walking alone when it’s light out, but hate it when I see that there is about 50 guys congregated on each corner just staring at me like I’m a tofu burger (<SDA style ). Which is usually the case, because there’s over 15,000 people here, with nothing to do.. Unfortunately, it’s not safe to walk alone at night.. So, it’s very frustrating . I’m thinking, “Come on, I have a skirt covering my knees, my hair is stuck to my face, I’m carrying a giant back pack..go inside.” I am excited for it to all settle in, I do not like this kind of attention of standing out because I look different. I feel bad that these women’s husbands are gawking at a younger woman right in front of them and I can’t blame the women for not running at the new missionary with open arms, because that hurts and makes you resentful towards the cause. This kind of stuff happens all over the world though, not just in Ebeye. Ebeye, is a great...wait..it’s not a great place…but, it is full of wonderful people too. I have met a lot of nice men and women, and I’m eager to get to know them better. I have slowly been branching out towards the house vertical to ours, but like I said it’s hard for them to know my intentions here. Am I just passing through here? Am I lost? Surely I am not staying. I really want to show them Jesus, through my actions, my words and even a smile. Which will have to be the case because man is Marshallese a hard language to learn.

        I’m getting used to cold, salt water showers. Walking half a mile each day to get clean water isn’t a burden, but good exercise. The cockroaches, I can’t find a single good reason why they are alive, I despise them. Skirts every day aren’t as bad as I anticipated, but wearing them when you jog and swim… not my ideal scenario, but I like adjusting to new cultures. The smell here is worse in some parts of the island than others, so I now know where to walk to avoid the deathly hallows. I now assume that anything I have in my backpack or pockets, the kids will find it and put it in their mouth. I still am disgusted when I see boogers creeping out of kids nose in class and then I turn around and look at them again it’s gone…it’s sort of a mystery game, or a magic trick... a super disgusting one. My germ phobia is constantly getting pressured on all sides. Don’t even laugh at the ridiculousness of that sentence, I live in a landfill…so, not too ridiculous. I believe the Lord brought me here to face that as well..not to welcome the bacteria, but for me to learn not to worry about it more than the devotions I’ve missed, or time not spent with Him..But, I would not be opposed to everyone sending me hand sanitizer. J  To sum this post up, if someone came to me and gave me an option to go home right now, or somewhere different. Without hesitation, I would say, “No”. I believe God has started a great work here, in myself and for others and I will follow where ever He leads me. He has blessed me with wonderful staff and very energetic students. The school days  that I feel worn out, or at my weakest, I remember, Nehemiah 8:10. “The joy of the Lord is my strength.”  Forever and ever.

The Diary of a Second Grade Teacher

Public urination, I see it at least 6 times a day. “What? Emily, that is an awful subject to start off on..couldn’t you just say, Welcome to Ebeye?”  I could, but then I might have forgotten to talk about the public urination here, and boy wouldn’t that have been terrible. But really, it’s all over…every free nook and cranny there is on this island someone is shoved up in it relieving themselves. The day I first arrived to Ebeye, I was bewildered at a teenage boy who stopped right in front of me and turned into a lone corner and just stood there.My naïve Ebeye self, turned around to see what he was doing, and that turn was followed by a quick 180. There’s a lot of things on this island that make it just oh so special…that makes it, Ebeye. After getting off the ferry, I was quickly told that I should change my guam;  a dress that I had bought in Majuro that all the villagers wear. Apparently, the queen of Ebeye, hates those, and will rip them off any girls she sees wearing them to publicly humiliate them. I thought to myself, 1) why’s there a queen? And 2) Well, I have shorts on underneath and a shirt, so I would be fine with that, but for the sake of my purpose being here and for the school I hastily changed.  Blake, Ryan (the principle), Justin (a little Marshallese boy) and I made the trek to our apartment, where we met all our other sm’s. They are great by the way. We call ourselves a big family. Our apartment is much nicer than the rest of the town, but sadly enough that doesn’t say much.  The houses here are basically just walls with holes in them. Some have roofs, which are either wood or steel are held down by large rocks. There’s graffiti all over them! If your reading this and have a child that has trouble controlling their wall coloring, send them here, no problem, they will get it all out of their system and will probably promise to never draw again if you let them come home..There’s absolutely no privacy whatsoever. Our houses, distant wise, are like trashy town houses…feet away.  There are always at least a dozen people outside infront of their houses…people are everywhere. They don’t have anything to do, so they are all just sitting outside, with their entire family tree and their dog, cat,rooster collection..The roosters are super obnxious!"What?! How did you even get here?".. A few days ago I saw a naked boy climbing a tree, I immediately looked away and focused on the pile of trash ahead of me, and then I heard him calling, “Ms. Em! Missah!!” He was waving with a giant smile on his face. I was thinking, really? You’re not embarrassed at all? Alright.. Haha. Ahh, Ebeye. The kids, man. The kids are great. They love you! You could be the most closed off person in history, but they wouldn’t care. “Missah (Ms. But in Marshallese form) high five? Hello! Give me dollah!” You politely tell them only if they give you a “dollah” first and then they smile and laugh and run off and you can’t help but want to laugh. Now, I don’t want to make myself sound like the best person in the world because I smile at little kids on the street, anyone with a mouth can do that... The Lord has definitely and will definitely be helping my patience and understanding with my second graders. I am teaching second grade, but unfortunately it is more like kindergarten. Today I got back an assignment, I handed out to my kids. It was fill in the blank. Can you guess which one was filled in? “My favorite color is banana and I like to eat pink, In my spare time I like to, bleay and Ms. Em”  haha yeah, it’s funny right? But, not when all your kids (18 boys and 8 girls) have the same answers, because they have a large cheating problem..  Before I stepped in, their teacher was pretty soft spoken. A very nice woman indeed, just very soft spoken. I, as a teacher, am not. I am definitely disciplining them. ..”You threw that piece of garbage out the window, while in class, onto the rest of the pile outside, when I specifically told you not to? Okay, go down there and bring up your garbage to me, show me, and then throw it away in the trash.” “But Missah…”…I don’t enjoy disciplining them, but I am slowly trying to teach these kids all I can. They are climbing all over their desks, punching eachother, climbing out the window to pick leaves, eating in class, handstands. The language barrier makes it pretty difficult. “This is a pencil….What is this?” *insert blank stare* Some of the students are at a second grade level, about 3 as of now, the rest, I am praying and doing my best to help them learn. But the thing is, they don’t care. They are on a one mile island, and their family has lived here all their life, why would they want an education? What good is that to them? It’s very frustrating. I had a lesson plan set up, and now I am redoing it all tonight, so it can meet their level.  I think about them before school, after school, when I sleep. Not in a negative way, but I plead to the Lord to help them understand. They say how much they love me, but they don’t obey what I say. “We love you Ms. Em.” You do? Well, can you please not climb out the window like I asked you not to?...It’s kind of like our relationship with God.  When I was walking home I started pondering that thought..”Oh God, I see what you’re doing.. you are pretty wise,  teaching me to grow each day, huh?” That I know will only continue..It is a struggle right now. Not necessarily being away from home, (although I wish I could skype my family and friends without only hearing every few words), or the U.S. but just my kiddos, and the stress of being a teacher…but I have this peace. This comfort that comes from above, that I.. I, am the person who is supposed to be with these kids and help them learn.These kids with the most unique names like, “Wi Wi, Barnabas, Jimeko”...Oh Lord, I have no idea what I’m doing…seriously. But God keeps reminding me that He does not call the qualified, but He qualifies the called. There is absolutely hands down, no place I would rather be than Ebeye right now. Anywhere I go I have this purpose in my heart that needs to be filled. This giant opportunity is right here, and is literally calling out “Ms. Em” and I am taking it, day by day with the Lords help…After a long day I turn over the homework assignment I handed out the day before..the super frustrating one, only to see a drawing, of myself holding one of the little girls hands, “Miriam + Ms. Em. I love you” And literally in one second, that paper alone, is worth every headache, frustration, heartache, or confusion that I had that day.… “The lord is my shepherd, I have all I need” Psalm 23:1.

Mixed flights, crabs and "Ms. Em"

Upon boarding the plane headed to Majuro, Blake (the other missionary) and I were wondering who exactly was going to pick us up at the airport. We were told it was going to be the principle from Ebeye. As we were on the plane the flight attendants came around and asked if we were going to Majuro. We said yes, but our final destination is Ebeye. they said," Alright, then where is your other ticket?" Other ticket? We were only sent these from missions... "I'm sorry you can't board and it's too late to purchase another ticket, you will have to get off in Majuro."  Blake and I, wandered around trying to ask people what to do. This is a whole different island.. Some spoke English and some did not. Fortunately on the plane we met another s.m. who has been in Majuro but went home for Christmas. So when the principle from Delap (majuro) picked her up, he took us with her too. We drove around in the back of a pick up truck for 3 hours +. It was so fun! We bought a few coconuts, which by the way, taste very different than coconut flavor in the U.S. And who knew that when you start that hole poking process, that it will spray your face..my face was soaked with coconut juice.haha...We purchased a ticket to leave this Thursday for Ebeye. I am really enjoying Majuro. I am not used to the heat and the fact that there are crabs everywhere! Crabs here are like spiders in the united states. Yesterday, I found a few kids playing in the garbage here on Majuro's campus. So I went up to them and started playing with them and eventually they chased me to the rocks near the beach. They were hanging on me, climbing on my shoulders and I asked if they wanted to hear a story. After the little boy found a crab on the ground and ripped the legs off, he was ready to hear and so was his snack.. I told them about Daniel and the Lions Den. Their attention span is very short.... Last night when all the other s.m's went to sleep I stayed up to do my regular journaling and devotions. As I was writing, what looked like a small dog ran past me...nope, rat! Sweet. I had a very hard time sleeping that night...I woke up this morning, grabbed a handful of granola and headed towards second grade. I have been teaching with Miss. Anne the principle's wife all day. The kids are very hyper. We were in the "library" and since I am a new white girl, they all want to be near me. I had them pushing each other and sitting on my lap, holding my hands.. "Ms. Em, me! Me!" Ms. Em...my name. So short but reaches the heart super fast. I've had my hair up for the past 2 days, so I took it down for one second to fix my bun and when they saw my hair is blonde, they all wanted to play with it. I told them that they needed to read. So they went back to reading, well most of them, the others went back to picking the lice out of each others hair and popping it with their teeth, following that with a big mouthful of spit on the ground. During this mornings recess, I taught a few girls in the second grade "Quack-a-dilly oh my quack quack quack" hand game...soon it became all 2nd grade, then 3rd then 4th, then everyone outside. The circle was huge! Their smiles..ahh, I love those cute faces! I wish I could work with each one of them personally and assure that they will have a good education and future. Each time I learned their names, they would get really happy and clap.I showed them how to add and subtract using their fingers and about vowels :)...They asked when I was leaving, I told them tomorrow. It made me sad, but you know this flight mix up was such a blessing in disguise. I am more prepared now and so excited and so ready to have my own class, to get to know them personally. I'm going to love those little kids to pieces! I hear them looking for "Ms. Em", recess, got to go :)....I am super jet leg, and don't even know the day it is(17 hrs ahead of IL)..These next 5 months are going to count, on more levels than one. Lord, keep me strong and of good courage. I am here to serve.